As a rule, I am not nostalgic. I think I should try to live in the present and that takes enough energy that the past simply has to be the past. However, here we are in September of 2020 and I truly wish that this was five years ago.

Think how much better nearly everything seemed five years ago: Barack Obama was president. We could go outside without masks, and could even travel to foreign countries if we wished. The sky presented a variety of colors, and hardly any of them were orange. My brother Jim was still alive. Cathy’s brother Steve was still alive. I didn’t have a device in my chest to help my heart beat properly. Darcy and I could walk wherever we wanted go.

All of those things are different today.

Darcy came to us as a rescue puppy of indeterminate breed when she was six weeks old. We played a lot and she loved her walks. We would go out on the local trails every day, and usually more than once a day. Our walks were always interesting, as she was a curious puppy who needed to stop and investigate many things.

A few weeks after Darcy’s second birthday, my grandson Ryder was born. I had retired by then, so when his mother went back to work I would pick him up each day and bring him over to our house where Darcy and I would care for him. Darcy was absolutely wonderful with the baby. She was patient and gentle and loving and protective.

Five years ago, Ryder was 20 months old. Every day, Darcy and I would put him into his stroller and walk about a mile to a park with a nice playground. Darcy continued to be the best dog you can imagine. There was one day as we were walking to the park that we saw a dead snake next to the sidewalk. Darcy wanted to make sure that the snake was no threat to Ryder, so she grabbed it in her mouth and shook it. Ryder’s verbal skills had developed early. When we reached the playground this tiny one-year-old child ran around to all the other people there and said, “Darcy caught a snake.” They loved it.

Moving forward from five years past, things began to change. My wife Cathy retired, and Ryder’s sister Leila was born. Cathy and I planned to work together caring for both grandkids while their parents were at work. However, just a few weeks later, I found myself in the hospital with serious health problems.

When our daughter did go back to work, Cathy took care of both grandchildren, but did it at their house so as not to bother me. Darcy missed the kids, and I was not much fun to be around. For several weeks, it was only with great effort that I could walk across the living room to the kitchen. Darcy kept close to me and did not complain of missing her walks.

After a few weeks, I began walking from room to room inside the house to try to get a daily 800 or 1000 steps. Darcy would either walk with me or lie on the couch and watch me. Then, when I began walking around the back yard, she would always come out with me, and seemed happy that we were getting sort of a walk together.

Over the next few months, I progressed to walking from the house down to the corner, and then ½ mile, then a whole mile, then two miles, and finally as far as I wanted. Darcy was with me through each step and was certainly happy when things got back to nearly normal.Normal wasn’t what it used to be, though. Three years ago, Ryder and Leila got a new brother, Lucian. Cathy and I were spending most days caring for three kids, sometimes at our house and sometimes at theirs. When everyone was at our house, we could again get out the double stroller and walk to the park with Darcy. She, of course, remained loving, attentive to and protective of all of them, trying to raise them all properly.

Ryder soon started going to preschool several days a week, and then to kindergarten, and now first grade. Leila started preschool, and Luke (Lucian) would go to “Magical Mornings” were it not for the coronavirus pandemic. To get our exercise, Cathy would normally walk by herself and Darcy and I would go out later.

Normalcy was completely swept aside earlier this year. A few weeks before the Covid-19 lockdown, we learned that several tumors were growing in Darcy’s chest and that they were cancerous. We tried a chemotherapy treatment, which was unsuccessful, and then began treating her using diet, supplements, exercise, and energy work. Since the tumors affected Darcy’s breathing, we cut her walks back to just two miles. That distance was sometimes hard on her, so we reduced the walks further, to about one mile.

A major problem that developed was ascites, with fluid building up in her abdomen. That affected her breathing even more by putting pressure on the diaphragm. We regularly had her abdomen drained – every three weeks for a while, then every two weeks a few times, and then weekly, and eventually twice a week – and cut the walks back to ½ mile.

During these months, we were still caring for our grandchildren most days and Darcy continued to be the perfect pet for them. We were still walking every day, though it was eventually only to the corner and back.

Finally, even that became too much. Instead of going out for a walk, Darcy would go around the perimeter of the yard to make sure everything was proper.

As you can probably guess, even that finally became more than she was able to do and she passed away a few days ago.

Always, and especially with children, Darcy was patient; she was kind; she protected, hoped, trusted and persevered. Darcy did a marvelous job teaching our grandchildren to be loving and know that they are loved. Her influence has helped them all to become wonderful people.

I walked literally thousands of miles with Darcy, and I believe that what she was trying to teach me is that I should slow down and take the time to smell…EVERYTHING. I don’t know if I ever learned that lesson. Now, I feel sad and angry. And I really want to walk with her, but I can’t.

It wasn’t like that five years ago.