Church Bulletin Humor

About 20 years ago, a gentleman from Arizona, John Cojanis, came to our church for a healing mission.  He and his wife seemed dedicated and sincere and they seemed to help some of those attending, so my wife and I have made financial contributions to his ministry from time to time.  Last week we received a newsletter from his “organization” – which I think is just his family.  It included some humorous quotes from church bulletins across the country.  I would like to share a few of those, plus a few others I have run across:

• “Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale.  It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.  Bring your husbands.”
• “The sermon this morning:  Jesus Walks on Water.  The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.”
• “Irv Benson & Ann Carter were married October 24th in the church.  So ends a friendship that began in their school days.”
• “The low self esteem support group will meet Tuesday at 7.  Please use the back door.”
• “Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.  Please use the double doors at the side entrance.”
• “The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement on Friday.”
• “For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.”
• “The choir will meet at the Larsen house for fun and sinning.”
• “Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service.  The pastor will then speak on ‘It’s a Terrible Experience.'”
• “Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.”
• “Don’t let worry kill you – let the church help.”
• “The pastor is on vacation.  Massages can be given to the church secretary.”
• “Proceeds from the bake sale will be used to cripple children.”
• “The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.”

I could go on . . . .