May 4, 2013

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Happiness (They Say) Is a Warm Gun

On my first or second day at the University of Colorado, before classes began, I met a girl named Teddy. I met quite a few people during that orientation week, but Teddy was memorable because she had long hair flowing down almost to her waist and because she told me she had spent the summer working as an acrobat in a European circus. Ohhh-kay, whatever. Then someone else began talking to me and she was gone.

A few weeks later, as I was sitting in a large lecture hall waiting for class to begin, a pleasant looking girl with short hair sat next to me and began talking as if we were friends. My face must have given me away as she paused and said, “You don’t remember me, do you? I’m Teddy.”

I asked, “What happened to your hair? The last time I saw you it was long.”

She told me she was wearing a wig when we met. “Wow,” I said, “it looked real.” She told me she had made it herself, using her own hair. Ohhh-kay.

I walked out with her when the class was over and asked how things had been going. She said, “I just finished a hearing before the University Disciplinary Committee.” I had not been aware there was such a thing.

“Why?” I asked.

She said it was because she was carrying a gun in her purse.

“Why?” I asked again.

She looked at me very seriously and said, “People are ratfinks, Louie.” Continue reading →